i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
