Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
