I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
