My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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