By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize