He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
