I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize