Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
