I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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