i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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