somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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