i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
