Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
