I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
