no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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