I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
