she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
