Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
