make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
