i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
