this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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