before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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