I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize