I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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