I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
