New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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