wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
