I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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