Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
