If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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