Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
