Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
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I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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