3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
