11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
