I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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