I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
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I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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