I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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