I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's get the cat blown out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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