i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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