Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
