I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
