i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
