I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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