the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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