So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
