I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
