you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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