Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I intend to get homeless drunk
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
