I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
