I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
