so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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