first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
