i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
