It was confusing and full of hummus
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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