Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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