Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
