Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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