it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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