The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize