my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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