Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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