That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
