you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
