I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
MIDGETS
????
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
