you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
