Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
FUCK WHALES
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
