so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
