I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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