oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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